31 lessons I've learned - and a message for those struggling

Life is full of lessons. Some we learn automatically, as we grow. Some, we learn without even realising. And some, as unfortunate as this is, we only learn through adversity and suffering. Here are the lessons I've learned over the past 2 years, from good and bad experiences.

1) Life is hard. It's supposed to be. Challenges and adversity are what drive us to improve and better ourselves. Embrace it, or you'll be miserable for the rest of your life.

2) It's not fair either. It'd be nice if the hardest workers got the richest rewards. Sadly, that's not always the case. The sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be. 

3) Your mind can dictate your mood. You can decide what kind of day you're going to have. Stop thinking "it's going to be one of those days," It's only one of those days when you decide it's one of those days.

4) Fear is good. Fear means you have something to lose. If you have something to lose, you have something to live and fight for. Welcome fear as part of your life but don't let it overwhelm you.

5) Courage is not the absence of fear. As wise old Ned Stark said (in different phrasing probably): "You can only be brave when you're afraid." Being scared and being brave go hand in hand. Again - embrace fear.

6) Those with the least are often the most willing to help. Being on the streets helped me to see that often the people with the least to give are those who are the most willing to give. Don't look down on those with less than you - if you lose it all, they'll be the ones offering a hand. 

7) We're all human. Black, white, Christian, Muslim, homeless, wealthy, obese, skinny, shy, outgoing. It doesn't matter, we all come under one banner: human. Others are your equals, treat them that way.

8) No one lives forever. Make the most of the people around you and remember to thank them for what they do. No one gets to the top alone. And if you do - it's awfully lonely there. 

9) Challenge yourself. No one ever got anywhere by staying in the comfort zone. Don't stick to what you know. Challenge yourself to venture into the unknown. No one will force you. It's up to you.

Me. Out of my comfort zone, in front of hundreds of people.

10) Work hard. It's extremely rare for anyone to be able to go through life without any effort. Any examples I've seen have never been as happy as those who work their fingers to the bone to get where they are. A secret - for a few years at school I was way behind everyone else. I got ahead through sheer graft and positive work ethic. Some might even go as far as to say I'm faintly intelligent now. 

11) Play hard. We all need to work to get anywhere in life. But don't forget what it's like to be a kid. We all say we miss it. So be a kid. Play games, climb a tree, build a den, do whatever you did when you were a kid. It'll make you smile,

12) Attitude is everything. The glass IS half full. If you think it's half empty, find a smaller glass. Then it's completely full. I'm a realist with an optimist's attitude. 

13) Family means family. They won't be there forever. I'm guilty of not appreciating mine enough. I love my family, even when they irritate the hell out of me. I wouldn't change them for anything. 

14) Be polite. Chivalry isn't chivalry if it's only to those we find attractive. Manners can make someone's day. And it's so damn easy! Much less effort than being rude.

15) Do what you love. Life is too short to be doing things we don't want to do. Yes, sometimes it is necessary. But, in general, do what you want to do. If you're going to spend your life doing something, you might as well enjoy it.

16) Be a dreamer. I want to travel the world playing poker in major tournaments. I want the glamorous lifestyle of a poker pro. High roller suites, the best parties around, lots of money to be won. Nothing wrong with dreaming, however unlikely it may seem.

17) Open your eyes. See what is around you. Don't live life in such a rush that you don't notice the world. Take off those blinkers and look around in wonder.

18) Appreciate beauty. Forget the news. Forget the wars, forget the suffering, forget everything. Look for yourself - there might be suffering. But there's so much more beauty.

19) Never stop learning. No one will ever know everything. But take every chance to learn something new. Not only does it make you look intelligent, it also makes you more aware of the world. That can only ever be a good thing. 

20) Take every opportunity you can. Seen the film "Yes Man?" Don't go to that extent - but take every opportunity you can. We can read all the books we want but we only ever get better at something by doing it. It'll make you a much happier person, trust me.

21) Make opportunities. There can be no excuses for not making the most of life. There are always opportunities of some kind, but if you can't see any then it's simple - make some for yourself.

22) Smile. It genuinely has a placebo effect. Smiling releases endorphins which make us happy. Don't worry, be happy :) 

23) Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Things may be bad. But you have breath in your lungs so you have something to smile about. No problem was ever solved with self pity.

24) Stop taking life for granted. Life can be snatched away from you when you least expect it. If you were on your deathbed tomorrow would you be happy with how you lived your life?

25) Ask "why?" Remember when you were a kid and you annoyed your parents by repeatedly asking them why? You had it spot on. Why are you unhappy? Why are you happy? Why didn't you take that opportunity? Why did you? Why, why, why, why, why?

26) Ask "why not?" Always look for a reason to be positive about a situation. When someone asks you why you did something, ask them why not! If you get an opportunity...why not?

27) Don't be afraid to say hello. Meeting new people can be difficult for some people. All it takes is a hello. Go for it! You won't regret it :) 

28) Take as many people to the top with you as possible. The more, the merrier.

29) Give something back. It might seem like too much effort but give something back to those who have helped you. You don't have to donate your life savings to a charity but give your time to them, or to someone who needs it. You'd be amazed what it can do for yourself as well as them.

30) Be proud. Recognise your own achievements. Don't be afraid of being perceived as arrogant. You have every right to be proud of what you have achieved. Reward yourself but never stop trying to make yourself even more proud.

31) Don't live to impress others. There's only one person you need to please when it all comes down to it. That person is the one constant who will always be in your life, no matter what. That person is yourself.

These are all important lessons. But the one thing I've learned that will stick with me above all others is that life isn't about titles or glory or success. You might chase it and I certainly do but it's not about that. It's about people. It's about those you see around you every day. It's about the strangers in the same shop as you. It's about your brothers, your sisters, your parents, your grandparents and everyone they know. Life has no higher meaning. We can pretend it does but at the end of the day, it's all about being human.

To those struggling with adversity at the moment, I have a message. You're not alone. You may think you are because your brain has convinced you.

But you're not.

If you're facing a mountain, no mountain is truly insurmountable. Maybe no one has managed to as yet. Why don't you be the first?

Work towards a goal, however simple, and see your problems as mere obstacles in your way of achieving that goal. For those in that situation, I have one, all important piece of advice.

32) Never. Give. Up.

Let me tell you a story.

On Wednesday night, I was on my way home from poker at the pub after a good night. I’d had a couple of beers and had that pleasant fuzzy feeling one gets before destroying it with “just one more.”

I passed a guy in the city centre who was clearly homeless. He didn’t ask me for money. In fact, he barely lifted his head to acknowledge he had even noticed me. I carried on walking for a few yards. Then turned back.

Handing him the food and drink I had just bought from McDonalds, which he accepted gratefully, I sat down next to him. I sat there for probably about half an hour, listening to him talk about his problems and his life.

Before leaving, I gave him £5. This was both all I could really afford, and it was a minimal amount so that he may make the most of it and appreciate it more. I told him to spend it wisely, to which he promised he would and then went on my way.

After work the next day, I saw him again. This time, he was sat on a wall with a woman, clutching a can of cheap lager. He noticed me, and called his thanks, raising his can and smiling. My heart sank and I reprimanded myself for my own folly in giving him money.

But, being an overly analytical person, I began to look at it from a different angle.

First; he was smiling. Regardless of whether was drinking beer or not, he was smiling. This was a stark contrast to the miserable man I had seen huddled in his coat on the high street the previous night.

Second, I considered the person he was with. He had told me that he had split up with his partner and she had kicked him out, leading to his current situation. Was this the same woman? I can’t make assumptions, but I believed it to be her and it made me glad to see that they were at least on talking terms – hopefully something that will lead to an improvement to his circumstances.

Third, his thanks. He recognised me and made the effort to thank me for what I had done. Of course, there’s always the potential that he was mocking me as he had lifted the can in the traditional “cheers” movement, but I have more faith in humanity than that!

Reflecting on this story, I can look at it one of two ways. Either I made a huge mistake and gave a homeless alcoholic money after he told me his sob story, or I genuinely helped a guy and brought even the smallest amount of light to his night/day.

More valuable than the money or the food that I gave to him, was the time I spent with him. Having been in a similar situation myself, I can understand the sheer loneliness of being on the streets, so having someone just to listen to you and to talk to would be a huge thing that a price can’t define.

It might be that I made a mistake by doing it, but there was no getting away from the fact that he was smiling and grateful when I saw him the next day. This post isn’t to say “oh, look what I did.” It’s more to ask people to think about things from a different angle now and then. Things are usually more than they appear on the surface.

From my perspective, I tried to help the guy and I gave him the option to help himself by feeding himself for even just a couple of days. He chose to spend the money that way, so I have no regrets.

Did I make a mistake? Should I be disappointed that he had spent that money on a couple of beers, even if that’s what made him happy? Let me know your thoughts below.